An end

This post might be a little too much info for some people, so be prepared. But this is my journal so I mainly write these for me anyway.

Last week I stopped nursing the girls. They had just turned 17 months. It was harder on me than it was on them. With Porter I stopped nursing him just before he turned a year. I had wanted to go at least a year with him but by the fifth time of getting mastitis and having an allergic reaction to that final round of antibiotics where my body broke out in hives and my face blew up and got all puffy, my body was telling me I was done. So before I had the girls I did my research on how to avoid mastitis and what to do naturally to heal if I did get it (I avoid antibiotics like the plague now). This time around I did get a plugged duct a few times but was able to avoid having it become full blown mastitis. Then a few months ago I did in fact get mastitis. I was able to keep it under control and heal naturally without antibiotics, but I still totally got sick. By then I had cut down to only nursing the girls 3 times a day. So I figured it was time to start cutting back even more. I had wanted to nurse them for at least a year, and I did. I had just kept going because I enjoy that bond you can only get from nursing and I could tell the girls weren't really ready to stop. Plus I had wanted to keep nursing them until spring time to help build up their immunity through the winter. And I remembered that with Porter since he was more mobile by the time I stopped nursing he didn't want to cuddle much anymore because he was too interested in what was going on around him and since nursing meant automatic cuddling I wanted to hang on to that with the girls. Who knows if we'll have anymore kids so I wanted to enjoy that bonding/cuddling time as long as I could. And I had basically had every nursing problem imaginable (except the one where you have to actually have surgery) but I had fought to keep nursing them (although there were MANY times I wanted to stop) so I had kept going because I had already made it through all of the hard times so why not continue.

But I didn't want to have to deal with the possibility of getting a plugged duct or mastitis again, plus they were getting older and I was ready to have my body fully back. So I had slowly cut down to just nursing them right before they went to bed. Then I hung on to that feeding for a few weeks because I was just stalling the inevitable. I slowly cut the length of that feeding down too because I wanted to ease my body into cutting down my milk supply so that I wouldn't have any pain or issues in my breasts after I stopped. Sure enough, since I slowly cut down the time I was nursing I had absolutely no problems after. It was wonderful. With Porter since I had done the whole process quicker I did have issues with my breasts still producing some milk. So this time went much better.

That first bedtime that I didn't nurse them at all they did cry because for everyday of their 17 months they had nursed and this was new to them. And I will admit that I did cry a little too. But it was time to stop. I wasn't really producing anything anymore anyway. The second night they were totally fine. It was like they had already forgotten. That made me sad. But I have to admit that I am totally glad to have my body all the way back. This also opens up so many more possibilities, like Jeff and me being able to leave the kids over night or something. And it's nice to not have to worry about having to nurse them when we are away from home or just out and about, because nursing two babies at the same time can be a little tricky. Since I have one on each side it's not that easy to cover up, especially when the babies are older and bigger. And if you only nurse one and the other finds out that they are not getting to nurse they get all upset and it becomes a whole issue. But there are a few things I will miss:

The cute little happy/content looks after their tummies were all full of milk.

The hand holding while they nursed. As they got older it was more shoving each other and getting hands in each others faces, but it was still endearing.

And of course the nursing right before they went to bed where they would fall asleep in my arms and I would get the best cuddling ever. Looking back at all these pictures makes me sad because they were so much younger back then and I have to realize that they aren't babies anymore, they are toddlers. They may be the last babies I have so I need to make sure I enjoy every minute.